Welcome to Another Rendition of Thunderdome!

by

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Welcome to what all the fuss is about. Welcome to the talk of the town. A warm welcome especially to the cool kids (but definitely not you, fatty). Welcome to the Forklifts Unlimited blog. I don’t know what “blog” means, but my friends assure me that it’s a great way to get laid.

Our aim here at FU is mainly to entertain, but we also realize that entertainment isn’t what you’re after. You’re on the internet. You want sex. Steamy, graphic, socially deplorable SEX. Hell sailor, SO DO WE! So, interspliced with the so-called “entertainment” of the blog, we promise lots and lots kinky, frankly disgusting acts of a blatantly sexual nature.

But WAIT, modern forward-thinking human! You’re smart! You keep up with world events! You got high and discovered the true message of Dark Side of the Moon! You like subtext, subtlety, and deeper meanings that dwell beyond the surface. We know, we got high too! Thus, the filthy, eye-popping sex we promise will be 100% metaphorical. This allows each reader to find fulfillment in any sentence they should so choose. I found it in this sentence I’m currently typing, and blew like Old Faithful (ironically while typing the words “Old Faithful”). The ecstasy was incalculable. I have high hopes for this blog.

Basically folks, we want you to laugh. And cream your shorts. Do both regularly, and with great fervor. Do both while reading this blog (especially my posts, which will undoubtedly cause you to do so involuntarily). Do both with growing confidence, and growing strength in the air. Do both in the beaches, and on the landing grounds. Do both because god damn it, Winston Churchill commands it to be, and that motherfucker hated Nazis like no other human being possibly could. You don’t like Nazis…do you? JIZZ YOURSELF YOU COMMIE BASTARD! (No homo.)

Enjoy Forklifts Unlimited. Seriously, do it or I’ll fucking find you. I’ve had a hard couple of months. I need this.

All Due Love and Even Less Respect,

Thinker St. James
Forklifts Unlimited CEO and Co-founder

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