In Addition: My Introduction

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I’d like to add to my friend Thinker’s post by saying that our goal at Forklifts unlimited, as he so humorously stated, is in fact to make you, the reader, laugh. Read that man’s writings, as 99% of the time, the outcome will be the violent laughtergasm he so described in his introduction.

But alas, we here at FU (or FUn for the more family oriented of our readers) take part in this for much more reason than simply your entertainment. No, our latent motives behind this site are much more disturbing than that, and there is absolutely nothing metaphorical about them. The truth is, us FUnseekers at Forklifts Unlimited don’t just post a blog and then leave you to your own interpretations and reactions. We stick around for a while. In fact, we sit at our blog stats page for a while, and repeatedly click the refresh button, much as you lonely souls may click the Myspace.com refresh button, in anticipation that someone has read our post since the last time we checked.

The truth is, we get off to it. It makes us feel good, sexually and otherwise, to know that people we’ve never met and likely never will meet are reading our daily spew of self-satisfying comedy. The more amused you become, the more aroused I become. As such, on days when Thinker posts, I become thoroughly aroused by your immense amusement. Combined with the initial laughtergasm I have in reaction to his metaphorically sexual post, you can imagine how pleasant and disgustingly sexual those days can be for me. I try not to leave the house on those days.

What I’m trying to say here is, that no matter what you do, laugh. It means something to me. So much so that on days when you don’t laugh, I don’t laugh. I can’t laugh. I fall into a pit of despair, unprecedented within the frame of reference that your every day life provides for you. I become a lifeless shell of a man, devoid of all stimulations, all sensation, and sympathy, all will to exist. My heart blackens and hardens, until it closely resembles a chunk of obsidian rock, without the shiny. I try not to leave the house on those days either.

In retrospect, I don’t leave the house very often.

Enjoy Forklifts Unlimited (like you have a choice),

Rod Jenson
Forklifts Unlimited Official Stagnator and Co-founder

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