Posts Tagged ‘Forklifts Unlimited’

…or watch the paint dry.

July 31, 2008

Welcome back, longtime Forklifts Unlimited fans! You really are the greatest followers in all the galaxy. For surely you are those who discover the subtle nuances of greatness that the casual browser misses. Surely you are not bored and randomly reading the sprawled musings of a genius welder (and also those of my partner Rod). You’re not eating a burrito half-reading while glancing at season two of McGyver playing on your television screen! I know it to be otherwise. I have greater faith in the Forklifts Unlimited Fanbase (FUnbase USA for our domestic fans, FUnternationalbase for the out-of-towners). And despite what statistics may tell us, I know you’re out there fair readers; secretly viewing our words through some highly-technical method of concealment that tricks WordPress into not registering a unique hit. It’s okay man: I respect your privacy.

But to return to my unstated point: the above profession of pride in our readership was all based on the in-depth mental analysis of boredom I conducted while driving home from work this evening. “What could possibly bore THINKER?” I thought to myself aimlessly in the silent darkness of the wide-open spaces through which I was traveling. My mind went blank; could I possibly take a substantial interest in every situation, happenstance and context imaginable?

I trained my thoughts. “Alright THINKER, on the count of three, its time for some serious boredom” I said out loud to myself like a lunatic. “Three! Two! One! Wait, that wouldn’t be the count of three then would it? Damn it, anyway BORED!”

There I sat, completely immersed in the uncomfortable feeling of lamenting disinterest. Unsatisfied, uninspired, and certainly not entertained. “Success!” I cried out in my mind. “Now, how do I remedy this wanton inkling for something other than this?” I sat for a moment. Then it hit me like one ton of self-realization bricks.

“OCTOPUS JUGGLING! What?” Amazingly, I’d found the one response able to confuse me within my own mind. And in a rare state of sobriety nonetheless! And that, even more so than juggling several octopus, was enough to entertain me. Why is everyone in a dissatisfied state of immobility?

Friends, learn to become amused by yourself. Find ways to break a bad cycle of day-in-day-out rigidity that will eventually leave you in a state of live rigor mortis. Weening down your dependence on Jon Stewart is probably a good first step. Weening down your dependence on your friends is an excellent second step. Of course step three is enjoying life, and regularly reading this blog.

They are all connected to each other. In a circle, in a hoop that never ends. Pocahontas, bitches.

Thinker St. James
Endocrinologist (License Pending)

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